Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize