how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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