I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
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My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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