I want to make a zoo with you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
