And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
