the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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