i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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