I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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