Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
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