Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..

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(905): View more from Toronto

Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

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(201): View more from New Jersey

At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old

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(440): View more from Ohio

i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

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(303): View more from Colorado

Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat

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(630): View more from Illinois

Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.

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