i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
