I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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