I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
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Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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