New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
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