they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
