I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
