please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
