she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
