youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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