i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
