I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
