How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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