You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
