Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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