is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
