You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
