what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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