i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
