There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
