I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
high people should be assigned attendants
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
