Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
