i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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