Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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