my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
