ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
