There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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