She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
