SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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