she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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