Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
zippers are such a cool invention
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
