Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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