I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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