Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Still dying that you shit outside
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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