Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
porn star boner night. come get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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