My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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