the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
