Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
