He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
