if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I met the friendliest cop last night
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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