Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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