Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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