There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
