my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
