i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
