everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Success! We fucked roommates!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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