The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
