Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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