I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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