Is it because I queefed?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
