You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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