True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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