I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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