i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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